Lessons from a senior member of UK Special Forces... and me!

I've been coaching blokes for over 13 years. I would say that there was one key difference between those who succeed with their ambitions and pursuit of happiness… versus those who always appear to struggle.

Now before we get into that key difference, I think it's important to caveat that happiness, of course, is subjective. It is also transient, fleeting and therefore I don't believe that we should use the feeling of happiness as a measure of our success.

The novelty of happiness wears quite quickly.

A professional footballer will still view playing football as work, despite spending years as a child dreaming of one day achieving it. I myself, experienced this a few times when I achieved two different roles within the military. Roles that I'd also dreamt of from as young as I can remember!

However the pursuit of happiness, ie., doing what makes you feel good, or completing a task that yields the feeling of gratification, is a whole different beast.

More specifically, if the thing you're doing to experience a sense of feel-good and gratification requires a little effort, the increased production of the neurotransmitter Dopamine will also result in the improvement of motivation (Bromberg-Martin, Matsumoto and Hikosaka, 2010).

I've said it many times before…

The effort required to do something will eventually be outweighed by the results you experience from doing it.

I think that it's important we understand the above, but this isn't necessarily the focus of this letter.

I recently had the pleasure of sitting in on a talk with a serving SBS (Special Boat Service) Warrant Officer (WO2) who focused our attention on how the unit and the wider Special Forces (UKSF) is encouraging blokes to come forward and discuss any signs and symptoms of musculoskeletal injury, traumatic brain injury (TBI), depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), stress, anxiety and other challenges with physical and mental health.

It was not only an incredibly reassuring listen, but it was also very relatable.

I found it interesting to hear that even at that level of performance, it wasn't so much the operational experiences that generated the most stress, but instead it was the every-day stresses that you and I experience (on top of the operational experiences); the stresses that come with a relationship, the responsibilities that come with being a parent, grievances, etc.

In fact, it was mentioned that (UKSF) blokes go out of their way to deploy on operations as frequently as possible because it was their opportunity escape from a lot of those stressors.

One of the primary contributing factors in guys hiding their symptoms and burying their head with their struggles is the risk of getting medically downgraded and therefore being unable to deploy. Being unable to deploy means that they'd lose their escape route from their problems.

I remember this being a common problem in the Royal Marines. Lads would hide their injuries because their worst nightmare would be to prolong training and delay the achievement of earning the green beret. The same would be done at Commando units that were due to deploy to Afghanistan. Lads would mask mental and physical health issues so as to not ruin their chances of hopping on that plane at RAF Brize Norton.

Of course, it becomes a vicious cycle. You can only mask those problems for so long before they come back to bite you on the arse… with a vengeance!

What stood out for me (from the WO2's talk), was his answer to the following question:

"What would you say is the main difference in characteristics between the lads that seem to get by regardless of the stress and trauma, and those that eventually suffer?"

His answer (a somewhat butchered version):

"I can only offer my own opinion, but for me, I've found that you only control what's in front of you. You can control how you look at the situation when it happens, and you can control how you let it affect you. You can't change the past, so what's the point in letting it affect you. For me, stress and trauma gives me the ability to help others. It helps us grow, and then be able to help others by qualifying us to offer advice to those who go through similar things as us in the future. It's a case of reframing it into a positive. That, and a lot of fishing!"

His answer probably stood out so much to me because its very aligned with my views around taking the logical and rational approach to reframing our emotions.

But it was also this concept of Fishing.

Garry Banford, former Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM) SBS (UKSF) and Owner of Duratus UK refers to activities like Fishing as our "3rd space". Our 1st space being home and our 2nd space being work. Having this 3rd space is essential for creating a sense of balance and immersing yourself in environments that give you an escape from the suffocation of stress, responsibility and obligations.

Op Rebuild is built around 6 essential pillars. One such pillar is "Fun, Rest and Decompression".

More specifically, I teach my beliefs around the importance of decompression and how, as a minimum, we should be factoring in short, convenient but daily snippets of decompression into our schedule. Doing so reduces the likelihood that stress, low mood, fatigue, cognitive overload, depression, procrastination and inconsistency becomes part of your identity.

Regular decompression increases the chances of you being the person you want to be, as well as the person that those who matter most need you to be.

Personally, I don't fish. I have done, but its not currently something I currently do. Yet I do really like the idea of it, particularly in the context of the meaning behind this letter. It is aligned with the purpose and objectives of decompression.

Decompression, for me, is the act of temporarily putting the needs and wants of others to one side, in the absence of distractions, so that you can spend some time alone with your own thoughts to reflect, learn, silence the noise and recharge.

To be clear, decompression does not involve other people. Nor does it involve TV, social media, reading a book, listening to music or taking the dog out for a walk. These are all either distractions or obligations.

You could argue that Fishing contains a distraction, however, those distractions are interspersed with long periods of sitting in silence.

I am not suggesting that Fishing is the answer, rather, I am suggesting that we should all schedule regular periods of time in nature. Daily!

Fishing is something that one can only experience, perhaps, once every few weeks. It's like the Mountains for me… it helps me a lot… but I can only get out there once a month. It's not enough!

Instead, decompression is achieved with regular, intentional and purposeful trips into the outdoors… ideally multiple times per day. For me, I find that going for a walk somewhere green and asking myself the following questions really helps me silence the noise, become present and enjoy a moment of calm:

1. "What can I see?"

2. "What can I smell?"

3. "What can I hear?"

4. "What can I feel?"

Even if you don't live near a forrest or national park, we can all conveniently access canals, rivers, abandoned railway lines or local parks.

Nature is essential.

Being amongst green space is associated with increases in happiness, subjective well-being, positive social interactions and a sense of meaning and purpose in life, as well as decreases in mental distress (Bratman et al., 2019).

In fact, those with the lowest levels of exposure to nature during childhood have been linked with a 55% increased risk of developing mental illness compared with those who grew up with abundant green space (Engemann et al., 2019).

For those living in the built up areas, there is even evidence showing that any exposure to nature—in person or via video—led to improvements in attention, positive emotions and the ability to reflect on a life problem. But the effects were MUCH stronger among those who actually spent time outside (Mayer et al., 2009).

Research by Pritchard et al. (2020) demonstrated how people who feel more connected to nature have greater eudaimonic well-being.

"What the f**k is that?!" … I hear you ask.

It describes a type of contentment that goes beyond just feeling good and includes having meaningful purpose in life.

Hopefully, my point here is clear. Getting outside is not only good for us. It is essential.

It's been found that people who spend at least two hours in nature during the week report significantly greater symptoms of health and well-being. It doesn't matter if you're old or young. Fit and healthy or suffering with chronic health problems, the effects are the same across all subgroups (White et al., 2019).

I would add, albeit my opinion, that if you could view this 2 hour exposure as an absolute weekly minimum… but one that you should try to accumulate via short regular walks in green space, I believe you'll experience the biggest affect.

My reasoning for this, is because breaking up your day with regular walks will not only help you experience the benefits documented above… it'll also help with your focus, productivity, energy, cognitive output, energy expenditure and mitigate the risk of posture related pain that comes with remaining in one position for long periods of time.

So to come back to the opening sentence of this letter, as well as a key point made by the aforementioned UKSF Warrant Officer…

The one key difference between those who succeed with their ambitions and pursuit of happiness, versus those who always appear to struggle, is their ability to remain consistent in prioritising the act of temporarily putting the needs and wants of others to one side, in the absence of distractions, so that they can spend some time alone with their own thoughts to reflect, learn, silence the noise and recharge.

Decompression…

I really do think it is key to your success.