My "Upper Limit" Problem

Ever heard of the Upper Limit Problem?

It's a term that was popularised by the author Gay Hendricks in his book The Big Leap.

You will have heard of it, albeit coined in different ways. You most certainly will have experienced it and, arguably, always will.

The upper limit problem is essentially a series of negative thoughts that lead to unwanted behaviours, stemming from some form of positive experience.

Sounds counterproductive.

It absolutely is!

But its how your emotional brain / chimp has been wired to react and its stopping you from achieving a lot of your goals, ambitions and the positive culture you want to create for yourself and those around you.

Here's one of my examples to help provide some context:

Each month I take a couple of guys within Op Rebuild into the hills. We do some cool shit, and spend some quality time together, enjoying deep and inspirational conversations that leave I and everyone else with a huge sense of decompression and a new-found fire in our bellies.

Dan and I climbing Cneifion Arete on March's member's retreat

I get home on the Sunday evening and the Mrs asks, "How was your weekend?"

My response: "Meh, it was alright. Long days. Didn't sleep very well. Weather wasn't great. But yeh, it was alright. It's just work isn't it?"

It's an answer of mine that comes from nowhere. It requires no thought. Almost as though I have rehearsed and recited it one thousand times before. The moment I say it, I feel myself genuinely believing it. I start thinking about how consuming the weekend has been. How I now have tonnes to do because the weekend's activities have started taking up so much of my time. It leads to a change in my body language, facial expressions and tone. It sometimes results in us having a little row over something stupid and unnecessary.

What's ridiculous, is that I have genuinely had the best time with the blokes that I coach. I've spent 3-4 hours driving home with a huge smile on my face. I've missed my partner and looked forward to coming home in a good mood... acting like the partner and father I want to be. I've become excited about how missing one another will likely result in quality time together as a family and perhaps increased intimacy between my partner and I.

But nope... I get home and convince myself that I'm exhausted and don't have time for them because I've got so much to catch up on. Spending time with them almost feels like a chore and the chances of intimacy goes sailing by as we have a row over something completely trivial.

This is my upper limit problem taking control. My chimp is taking ownership of the steering wheel.

Why?

Because I've taught myself to feel guilty whenever I have a good time.

My chimp feels more comfortable and familiar with seeking sympathy and empathy, eventually leading to confrontation and negativity, because it wants to avoid the potential risk of jealousy.

My chimp is more concerned about feeling guilty over the fact that I've had a great time whilst my partner has been at home looking after the kids and keeping the house clean, that it would prefer me to flip my genuine emotions about how good of an experience I've had.

It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

The upper limit problem is stopping you from experiencing positive emotions such as excitement, sense of achievement, accomplishment, fulfilment and more.

It can happen after:

• You've been eating well for a days consistently

• You acknowledge that you've lost some weight

• You've been to the gym and feel good for going

• You get a compliment from someone

• You get a promotion

• etc

It's more common than you think, and I'd encourage you to think back over this week as to a time when you may have sabotaged your efforts almost immediately after doing something good.

Drop me a message on instagram or linkedin and let me know what your upper limit moment was this week?

I am genuinely interested and would love to hear about it

I might be able to help

Look forward to hearing from you