F*ck your morning routine

Most blokes think they need magical refined morning routine. There are videos on the topic with over 150M views.

You need a routine. But not as you perceive it.

Understanding this 👇 helped me get out of the all-or-nothing perfectionist cycle that resulted in me feeling sh*t when I didn't do what I believed was required to be who I wanted to be.

As as species, our entire existence is based on routine, namely that of the rising and setting of the sun… without which, we wouldn't exist!

If you think you don’t need a routine, then perhaps you don't realise that you currently already have a routine that you didn’t create. It's likely a patchwork system pieced together by your parents, teachers, employers, partner, kids and society.

I'm writing this not for those who think they don't need one, but instead for a significant proportion of blokes who are in search for the one that's going to help them achieve extraordinary things.

If you fit within this large group, then make sure you read until the end.

Now I do think you need a routine, but I don't think it should be just any old routine… and it probably shouldn't look like the majority of the most-viewed youtube videos either.

It doesn’t have to be Instagram-perfect, 5 AM club-style, or loaded with everything someone else says you “should” do either!

Bear with me as I will explain exactly why.

If you’re anything like me, you went to school and got a job.

I didn't have much time on my hands, and worse; I didn’t have much energy to invest into the future I wanted to create for myself either.

I had dreams, visions and ambitions, but putting the time, energy, headspace and focus into making them a reality seemed impossible as I was too busy stuck on the hamster wheel that society trapped me on.

Eat, sleep, work, repeat… or rather… eat, drink, distract myself from my reality, get minimum sleep, work, repeat!

I’d try going to the gym after work. But all I wanted to do was go home. I was tired.

I’d try learning something new late into the evening but my mind would get distracted and seek entertainment from watching films, playing on the PS1, messaging girls or wasting time on MSN (social media, as we know it, didn't exist).

I had interests and hobbies, and I do think I learned a lot, but that knowledge didn’t help much since I didn’t have the time to apply it.

Eventually, I got sick of the lack of progress I was making and pursued a career in the military. I believed that being in an environment driven by discipline and order would solve my lack of fulfilment and enthusiasm.

It took me a good few years to realise that what I actually wanted was full control over my energy for the entirety of my day.

I realised that every ounce of energy wasted on someone else’s projects (be that political or not) felt terrible and incredibly unfulfilling.

I was disheartened about working on something I didn’t have a long term stake in. I wanted to feel valuable to myself. Worth something. And when all you get is a measly payslip every month knowing that others are doing a lot less work than you are making 10x more whilst following their passion, it's painful.

It was never about the money. I wanted to live.

It still isn't about the money and I don't believe it ever will be.

Again, I want to live. I want to create an environment for myself that brings the best out in me. Right now. Not in 30 years time.

This requires a routine, of some sort.

After coming out of the military and (semi) recovering from a loss of purpose and a lost identity, I gained some autonomy, structure and direction.

My experiences around lack of time led me to the conclusion that I could make time and solve all of my productivity, energy, health, performance and work goals by getting up early and having this magical routine.

I can tell you, now, I was very wrong. Unfortunately, it took me many years to realise I was wrong. Fortunately, I did realise it at some point, and I now have the ability to control and influence my outcomes much, much, better.

The Routine Myth

We’ve all seen the posts by 'influencers' about CEOs or even themselves, who wake up at 4 AM, meditate for an hour, run 10 miles, and read three books before breakfast. Tweets such as the following example get 1.1 million views, thousands of shares and even more 'likes'.

We're led to believe that there is a tick box system to solve our problems. A magic bullet or blue pill that will end our suffering of mediocrity.

But let’s be honest: those routines don’t reflect real life for most people. They don’t account for your responsibilities, energy levels, or reality.

Here’s the truth: the best routine isn’t about following a blueprint, even one you've created for yourself.

It’s about prioritising the things you need to do that will move you closer to the future you want, whilst having multiple variations of these things so that you get to be 'close enough' and 'good enough' more consistently.

Having multiple options and variations takes into account the fact that our lives are sometimes influenced by some things that we cannot control. Often, sometimes, our own minds!

In my opinion, the reason why having an 'instagram-able' list of carefully constructed instructions to start your morning feels right, is because you're looking for a solution to a host of problems. Your emotional brain (chimp) likes to seek 'magic bullets' and shiny new ways to solve your problems because it helps you manufacture a sense of hope through feelings of excitement, ambition, motivation and the visions these create.

The reality is, your chimp is self righteous. It will do all it can to prove you wrong and it right.

Creating these exciting strategies is one way that it can set you up for failure… only you don't recognise it because this so-called solution is disguised as a seemingly logical and exciting solution.

It wants you to remain in your comfort zone, and the more ambitious the idea, the more likely it'll have you back in your comfort zone even sooner.

It gets it's own way, whilst reinforcing some pretty unhelpful and self-limiting beliefs that keep you on this cycle.

"I am lazy", "I am inconsistent", "I can't achieve X", "I don't deserve Y".

These might not always be conscious thoughts, but your actions are slowly hardwiring these self-fulfilling prophecies.

The Default Setting

Our brain loves repetition.

Our 'chimp' feels accomplished when doing the same tasks regularly. You could argue that it brings, not only a sense of control but, a sense of safety thats comes with the feeling of familiarity.

This is the case, ten fold, if such activities bring a spell of gratification, entertainment or enjoyable stimulus.

It’s hardwired to normalise repetitive situations, making them easier to manage. But here’s the catch: if your default setting isn’t intentional, it can lead you straight into a rut. It can place you on that hamster wheel.

The typical day for many looks like this:

• Wake up, grab your phone, and stress about the day ahead.

• Rush through the morning, eating whatever is convenient—or skipping breakfast entirely.

• Work on tasks you don’t care about, doing the bare minimum to get by.

• End the day feeling drained but unproductive, numbing the dissatisfaction with TV, junk food, drink or scrolling.

• Staying up late at night because you "need some you time".

Sound familiar?

This cycle doesn’t just affect your work—it spills over into your relationships, health, and self-esteem.

It’s the silent killer of ambition and progress.

Now there's still an element of routine to this despite it not serving you. It's a routine that your chimp, society and those around you have influenced.

You get entertainment and enjoyment from the comfort that these activities bring. You need to try and flip this on it's head. Instead, you should try to seek the enjoyment that comes, eventually, from doing the work.

Initially, when you you have no evidence of the results, the effort required to do the work is outweighed by how short lived the sense of achievement is. But if you stick to it for long enough, the feeling you get from experiencing the results outweighs the effort required to do whatever it is.

Routine = Dependancy

Routines are, in a way, dangerous. Superstition is dangerous. If we become dependent on the routine, we actually become weaker as a result of it. Which is counterproductive to the reason we said we needed the routine in the first place.

I believe that we need to be cautious around the adherence to routines. Particularly when we find ourselves using terms like “I have to,” “I must,” “I should,” we should, “I need to,” in order to "achieve X" or "feel Y".

For example, if you have to drink a bottle of alcohol every night to go to bed, that is a crutch. If you have to take pills every night to go to sleep, you have that as a crutch. If you have to drink a coffee every morning before you can function, you have a crutch. If you need to tick a number of specific boxes every morning before you can convince yourself that you're going to have a good day, you have a crutch.

I don't mean to sound facetious, but believe it or not, there were humans hundreds of years ago that had none of these things, and they slept just fine, functioned just fine, and perhaps even achieved incredible things in business, sport, technology, philosophy, relationships, history… everything.

There are people who did not have these weird rituals that we try to convince ourselves we "must do", we "have to do, we "need to do". All they end up doing is weakening us.

Think about coffee. You start drinking coffee in the beginning; you feel better, and then over time you need to drink coffee just to feel normal. So then, the benefit that coffee originally offered is gone.

If you really want to get benefits from anything, then you need to cycle the things that you do, which inherently means that you're not going to have a routine because the things that benefit you should be constantly changing.

Most people don't do it that way; instead, they become dependent on these superstitions about how they must go to bed every night, how they must fall asleep, and what they have to do during their mornings. More often than not, it leads to self punishment. They think, "I can't be productive," or "I can't think straight," or "I'm really, really agitated all day." Not only is this self fulfilling prophecy so counterproductive, it's so weak. It makes you non-resilient - the thing you're probably trying to avoid in the first place!

Be incredibly wary of the superstitions, routines and tasks that you adhere to. Be wary of what it is that you claim is the source of your productivity, creativity, alertness, mental well-being, subjective happiness and so on.

Think Rocky IV. Be more like Rocky and less like Drago. Do what moves the needle. Identify what you actually need to be doing as disregard all else. Thrive under any circumstance and be resilient enough to progress even when you don't have access to optimal resources or the optimal environment.

The Solution

The problem isn’t how you start your day. The problem is why you’re starting it in the first place.

You don’t need a fancy morning routine. You need a reason to get out of bed.

Most blokes want morning routines because they're lacking purpose and enthusiasm. They hope structure will fix the emptiness. It won’t.

A perfect morning routine won’t give you clarity. It won’t fill the void. It won’t make you excited about your life. Only purpose can do that.

If you had a deep reason to wake up, you wouldn’t care about the perfect routine. You’d jump out of bed without needing hacks, tricks, or systems.

At the start, the problem isn’t discipline. It’s desire.

Ask yourself this:

What are you waking up for?

To survive another day? To go through the motions? To check off tasks you don’t care about?

Or to build something meaningful? To pursue something you love? To create a life you’re proud of?

Your answers to that question changes everything.

Because once you have a reason, your mornings take care of themselves. You don’t need a rigid schedule. You don’t need motivational videos. You don’t need someone to tell you what to do. Your purpose becomes your alarm clock.

But here’s the hard part:

Finding a reason takes effort. It takes brutal honesty. It requires you to say no to what’s comfortable. It takes questioning the path you’re on.

Most people avoid this because it’s painful. But avoiding it is why they stay stuck.

Don’t waste your life trying to perfect your mornings. Focus on the bigger question:

What kind of life would make you want to get up?

Visualise that life. Then wake up for it.

You don’t need a morning routine.

You need a reason to get out of bed.

Be Intentional

If you've decided that you're going to use your morning to be productive and work toward your goals, then be sure you:

1 - are clear on what that goal is

2 - are clear on what you need to do to make steps toward that goal

3 - remove all other distractions

If your focus during this season of your life is to build a business, for example, and you spend 2 hours of your morning journalling, exercising, meditating in an ice bath and looking at red light bulbs, chances are, when you come to work on your business you'll feel tired, disengaged and distracted.

Those two hours of working on your business could equate to hundreds of extra hours over the course of a few months.

If your priority during a certain period is your relationships, you're better spending your time researching places to go, activities to do and reflecting on how you can take responsibility for your frustrations, reactions and beliefs etc.

If your priority during a certain period is your finances, you're better spending your time checking your accounts, analysing your spending and reflecting on your behaviours and knowledge around money.

We make the mistake of curiously questioning the routines of successful people, only to forget that these routines are what they do now that they're successful.

What we should be doing, is mirroring our own version of whatever it was those successful people where doing prior to becoming successful.

There is more than a morning in a day

At the risk of sounding cliche, I think it's important we acknowledge that there are 24 hours in a day, of which two thirds of that we control of - the other third being allocated for sleep if you care about your mental health, physical performance, cognitive performance and life-span.

You do not need to restrict limit yourself to the time you have in the morning.

The success of your day is not solely dependant on what you do before the rest of society starts their alarm snoozing cycle.

Yes, I use to-do lists

Yes, I believe we should schedule our tasks in a calendar

Yes, I think we should be punctual and disciplined when doing what we said we would

Yes, I preach the unmeasurable value of writing / journalling

But I don't believe that it all needs to be crammed in to one particular aspect of the day for fear of having an unproductive start.

We must identify whats the most important needle-moving task / activity and put all of our energy into that. If we don't get the opportunity to meditate until the following evening then so be it.

It's called managing your priorities!

Which also involves setting clear and rational expectations.

If it takes you a full 16 hours to accomplish all of the things you'd like to do, even if some of those things are what you unsuccessfully squeezed into your mornings ambitions previously.

Sometimes I write within minutes of waking up. Sometimes I write after finishing dinner. It doesn't matter.

If I can 'look at myself in the mirror' and confidently reflect that I triaged my day effectively then i have won.

The efficient framework

If you believe that an autonomous framework you can repeat on a daily basis can help you build momentum going into your day then allow me to offer you some advice:

Keep it short.

If, through experimentation, you have found that you seem to start your day more effectively when you have a system you can follow, then great. I believe you.

Quite often, I do to.

I am not contradicting myself here… because there are times when I follow a system and times that I don't. On the occasions I don't, its because I have identified that this time is better spent focusing on one of these needle-moving tasks.

I no longer feel guilty for being inconsistent with this idea of a morning routine, because its just not appropriate all of the time.

If I can get these less important (at the time) tasks done later on, then I will. If I can't, then it's fine. Provided I recognise that this is the case because I have had to manage my priorities.

Here, I will share what I believe is a very effective framework to use on those occasions you do get the chance to follow one:

Step 1: Activity

Perform a short bout of physical activity. Not a training session or something strenuous. Just something easy going for 15-20 minutes.

The purpose of this activity is to:

• Help you increase your internal body temperature (important physiological requirement of waking up).

• Pull you away from negative tasks such as checking your emails, social media etc.

• Ease you into the day

• Give you the chance to multitask and complete steps 2-4 at the same time. An intense session wont allow you the mental capacity

Preferably, go for a walk outside to get some fresh air and (during the summer) some natural light. If not, stretch. Anything, just get your body moving at a low intensity whilst thinking about steps 2-4.

Step 2: Clarity

Gain clarity over your day, that is.

• Check your calendar.

• Move tasks around if needed.

• Make sense of your day.

• Remind yourself of your vision, goals and purpose.

• Remind yourself of what you need to prioritise in order to get there.

Enjoy a moment of peace and a moment to yourself whilst thinking about these things on your walk or during a stretch.

Step 3: Mental Prep

Your mind's default setting is to react to ever-changing scenarios by scanning the environment via the emotional brain.

Prepare yourself mentally by:

• Asking yourself who it is you want to be.

• Asking yourself how that person behaves.

• Identifying what your triggers are.

• Managing risk by acknowledging how this future version of yourself needs you to respond to these potential triggers.

Ultimately, get clear on how the ideal version of you is going to tackle the day ahead.

Step 4: Gratitude

Before you roll your eyes, I do not believe that writing down 3 things that you're grateful for will positively impact your day. In fact, I know that within minutes of doing so, most blokes completely forget about what it was they have written.

Those that force themselves to do this, do so, because they've been convinced, probably, by something they've seen on social media.

Don't get me wrong, it makes sense. It sounds logical: positively influence your mindset by putting things into perspective and you will have a much better day.

I call bullshit.

Our time is limited as it is. The most common objection to solving most problems is a lack of time. So it doesn't make sense spending time doing something that sounds good but in reality has very little impact.

That doesn't mean we should ignore the gratitude piece though. We just need to understand it better and use it as, I believe, it was intended.

Gratitude or gratefulness is an emotion. A feeling. We don't need to write a specific list, we need to evoke that emotion to get the benefit.

The best way to do this, I have found, is to consider the opposite scenario and experience how that would feel.

Example…

Q: "How would I feel if I didn't have the the chance to take my eldest to school and pick him up?"

A: "I'd lose so much time with him. I'd never have had those experiences of listening about his day, playing eye-spy, searching for buzzards in the sky, listening to him telling me facts about animals and singing along to the Top Gun soundtrack. I'd feel as though I am not fulfilling my responsibility as a father".

Result: Now, sitting in traffic and spending 4 hours driving each day doesn't feel so bad.

The key here, in my opinion, is not that you should be listing things you're grateful for. Instead, we should be creating the feeling of gratefulness by visualising and feeling the alternative.

Step 5: Write it down

Those I work with know I am obsessed with putting pen to paper. Mainly because of the scientific and anecdotal evidence that suggests how doing so will:

• slows down your thinking

• helps you rationalise your thoughts

• brings clarity to your planning

• increases the likelihood that you'll execute

Arguably, the 15-20 minutes you spend working through steps 1-3 is more important. But if you have 10 minutes at the end to consolidate your thoughts from steps 2, 3 and 4 by getting them down on paper, you'll have a much better experience.

I will go into more detail about my experiences of writing at a later date. I believe the subject requires a lot of attention in isolation. However for the purposes of this letter, just trust me when I say that if you can commit to simply writing down your thoughts from steps 2-4 once back from your walk, you'll begin to learn a skill that will serve you more than you will ever imagine.

A Challenge for you

This week, I challenge you to:

1. Identify the one key thing you want to achieve / prioritise during this season of your life.

2. Choose one task or activity that will undoubtedly move you toward it.

3. Commit to prioritising that one thing over all else.

4. Stick with it for five days.

5. Reflect on how it makes you feel and what changes you notice.

6. If after these 5 days you recognise that you have a little more capacity to do more with your mornings, then give my 4 step framework a try.

Remember, whatever methods you plan on trying, remember that you'll probably want to cycle or adjust these tactics on a fairly regular basis. In fact, if you go in with the mentality that your tactics are only every short to medium-term then you'll probably avoid a lot of frustration in the first place.

My final request, is that you book an informal call with me so that we can chat and work on this together.